evan's Journal

9:10pm: What do you know, I'm twenty one years old.

5:53pm: Baby, i've been so good. I think we're doing alright at this long distance thing, you know? I'm still takin lots of cold showers, especially after our conversation this morning.



I've been missing you bad, but i've had lots of company



and i've been keeping myself busy.



Its nice to be back with my family babe,




and so nice to be back at home







I keep thinking of how good its going to be when we're together again, I know some people who tell me that even though its hard, long distance relationships are so worth it babe




because you still give me butterflies in my stomach whenever I think about you



and I miss you so much



be good baby, I hope you had a good day at work and didnt spill any drinks or even step in any slugs, call me tonight ok?

1:29am: oh wow
i can crack my knuckles because i have done things today. i am in florida. a livejournal entry has been a long time coming i think.

theres a cute girl who i like a lot sitting next to me helping out with the asthetics of this entry.

thi.s is/my jou(rna)l.
i feel like if i keep reading old entries i could start to feel like that punctuation. punk-tuation. its wasnt that good.


punctuation is really important in life i think, there are alot of exclamation points going on outside right now.

love you
be good
evan

1:55pm: paolo

12:40pm: ok dont get your hopes up, im redeleting my livejournal BUT i just wanted all of you to know that even though im only going away for three days i tend to look at things in terms of how much fun ill be missing rather than how much fun i can have and i think all of you should call me so i can talk to you and let you know how much i love you and how much all of you have changed my life for the better
ill see you guys tuesday
paolo and raffi i dont think i can tell you guys how much you mean to me and how good yesterday was for me

bye again!
fuck i just love you guys so much
evan

5:48pm: here is a cartoon i made

binghamton is nice and fun
well maybe not nice
and sometimes its not that fun
but i went skiing with my older brother
this keyboard makes me feel like doogie howzer
ill tell you guys all about it tomorrow
life is alot more simple than we tell ourselves it is
love
evan

4:57pm: SOUP
i really miss you guys
i need all this snow to melt and all the water it makes can mix with the all the salt thats goddamn everywhere and itll be just like the beach
im going upstate to visit eric tomorrow and that means that i wont be able to see you guys/havent seen you in what feels like forever (wait, paolo and raffi, you guys slept over only like four days ago? what is going on, i have lost all concept of time and space and solid food; whenever i walk around i hear like, a gallon of soup sloshing around inside of me)
i wrote a pretty decent essay for u of texas but it makes me sound like an insane overachiever when im really not
i need spring i feel so claustrophobic!

11:26pm: how i learned to settle
after a mental breakdown and a really nice day with maddy and allie ive decided that im going to go to college wherever im accepted, but probably texas, and that im going to learn how to drive and im going to keep counting my chickens before they hatch and im going to keep laughing at whatever unexpected and crazy shit gets pulled on me and im going to keep being an amoeba


friday kids, im so glad that you are all my friends i really miss you guys but i wont be able to see you soon (like tomorrow) because im going to be visiting eric at binghamton from thursday to saturday
i will see you... eventually?!
alot of love,
evan

p.s. i listened to your demo alot today kyle; we havent played music together in too long!


p.p.s.
ahhah!

oh man and this was me over the summer,


that kid im with has the same last name as me but spelled differently and i have a pair of his jeans and hes thirteen but hes amazing at guitar and quite the heartthrob amongst many of the prepubescent girls at my camp (note the mohawk, i am such a character)

hey thanks anna for helping me figure out how to post those pictures, you can click on them to make them bigger and maybe even funnier

12:58pm: i feel like everything has been turned on its head
i got a letter in the mail yesterday from uc santa cruz saying that they were missing an satII from me in math. i never took an satII in math.
i am no longer eligible for admission into uc santa cruz

i cant really express how i feel about this because, to be honest, i dont really know how i feel
at first i felt sort of red, then sort of purple and now i guess im pretty blue;
i am not going to college next year.

i know that i had spoken with yall about diferring and taking a year off, but the fact of the matter was that i was still really undecided about it. now things have sort of been thrust on me and i dont know whats going to happen
i dont like not knowing what im going to do with a year of my life and i guess i liked the idea of having a safety blanket to sort of fall back on in case things got fucked up

i keep going back and forth in my head between scared as hell and really excited because my safety blanket isnt there any more and now im just standing here in the middle of fucking january with a tshirt and i have no idea what is going on and whats going to happen and a year is a really long time and i dont want to work at keyfood or sit around at my parents house or deal with another shitty winter and i dont even know if i want to go to fucking paradise and pick mangos or write poetry on a goddamn beach and i dont want to make this sound dramatic or poetic because its not poetic, there are just some goddamn things that arent fucking poetic and i am seventeen and my parents are disappointed in me and i feel like im looking at the world through backwards binoculars and i dont even want to go to college i just want everything to stay exactly the same but maybe a little better and its seventy two degrees in santa cruz and im waiting till two oclock so i can make a godamn phone call to the admissions office to make it sound like im the ideal candidate for admissions at their college and to let them realize that my huge fuck up which isnt actually that big of a fuck up isnt as big of a fuck up as im telling myself it isnt and i cut my hair and now one of my sideburns is significantly longer than the other and i feel lopsided

2:02pm: catilin, have an amazing time back at college and please be safe, ill see you soon
yesterday, but especially today and last night with just paolo and raffi have been some of the nicest moments ive had
id say a 96

vacation all i ever wanted!



p.s. caitlin, paolo and i made the prune popsicles after you guys left, they gave us stomach aches

p.p.s zelda ocarina of time
heavy snow outside

2:52am: i retook paolo's infamous "what clique are you?" quiz


You are the THHS Crew '05! You are supa fly, and
enjoy bein thugged out. You should try to seek
out some help from a professional.


Which Clique are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

if you take the quiz and click on the "see all possible results" option, you'll see freshman paolo craning his neck to be seen in the "some kind of asian" clique picture

reading old livejournal entries makes me feel like some kind of creep
so does three in the morning

12:30pm: i feel really good today. i think alot of the time, i feel compelled to make myself unhappy, even when things are relatively perfect in my life. i guess i can chalk it up to the human condition, or maybe chalk it up to trying to seem more introspective than the 'average' person so that i stand out in some pathetic sort of way. but today i say: "f that".
because you know what? im reading a good book and i just spoke with my grandparents.
and im going to foodswings with jeremy after school.
and i have eleven days off from school starting tomorrow.
and, while it is colder than "if satan discovered the freezer" (i love you melanie) outside, its still really beautiful and sunny, and i have a really big warm sweater

hey, townsend kids, have the best time ever on your senior trip, i love you guys more than i can really express, and im so happy that i got to knew you way back when you went on your sophmore trip

in the crushin category of my life, i have a crush on a girl who i think is totally clueless
or maybe she just doesnt like me and im telling myself that shes totally clueless
or maybe she does like me and she thinks that im totally clueless
eh, cest la vie

hey tomorrow, non townsend kids (paolo raffi melanie taryn little jeremy caitlin), i have no school but jeremy has a midyear, i think he gets out at 315? meaning back home at 445? when do you want to meet?

i had a dream last night that i was running around a movie theatre picking up change that people had dropped. and then i was doing the same thing on the subway platform and i found a french woman's wallet?
this morning i found a dime on the floor of the subway. do you guys believe in that sort of stuff? premonitions and whatnot? as far as i can tell, even if that was a premonition it was a pretty pointless one!

i made a plan for what im going to do next year instead of going to college, it got me really excited, i cant wait to tell yall all about it!


in conclusion, i feel like ive become alot more comfortable with myself, or at least most aspects of my life. i really like buddy holly
i am eighty years old

end transmission
love
evan

8:41pm: whats in these days:

1) cacti



2) family

3) thermal underwear



4) smiles (see above picture)

5) cute animals. this is a picture of a sand cat



6) "devilishly handsome axelrad brothers" eric+evan+jeremy road trip next year

7) watching sex and the city in the communal bed

8) reading

9) feeling goodabout myself

http://images7.fotki.com/v109/free/a063f/7/73377/1509463/P1000442-vi.jpg

im going to start writing again

love
evan

2:13am: a nice weekend
this is the best i've felt all year
thank guys
tomorrow i write a ten page term paper on cacti, send me good vibrations

8:20pm: also, incase you were wondering what jeremy and i do at camp, it looks a little something like this



oh man and today they announced the six intel competition semi finalists from my school (the intel competition is this really intense science research contest that they have every year). i feel like to fully understand my highschool experience you need to see the topics that the semifinalists based their projects on:

"All entrants worked on separate projects, which ranged from biology to the social sciences.

Ms. Kline's project concerned the Dissociation of Neural Responses to Happy and Fearful Emotional Faces within the Right Superior Temporal Sulcus: an fMRI Study.

Mr. Leffler studied Accurately Modeling Neuronal Dendritic Spine Morphology.

Ms. Leffler completed a study of the Hypothermic Circulatory Arrest Induced Apoptosis in the Pig Prefontal Cortex and Hippocampus.

Mr. Lubin's project was Electromagnetic Calorimeter Resolution, Particle Identification and Analysis of a Higgs Signature Using Monte Carlo Simulation for the ATLAS Detector.

Mr. Shin worked on Oxygen Gas Permeability Through Polystyrene Nanofilm with Clay Added.

Ms. Zaurova's project was titled, Gene Therapy Meets Chemotherapy: Exposure of Malignant Glioma Cells to Transgenic Embryonic Stem Cells and Temozolomide. "


amazing

8:45am:

Your College Life by highfivejunkie
Username
What will you study?
Your Roomate	sublimebadfish
The Football Player	yes_i_like_311
The Cheerleader	clit_lip_etz
The Band Geek	demeterspixies
Highly involved in their Frat/Sorority	k_bone
The Crazy Drunk	spiralinghalo
The College Slut	dancenotsleep
Your Significant Other	happifacek
The Creep that sneaks into girl's showers	potato_bread
Likeliness you'll graduate: 58%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

9:11pm: today i cut off the hypatia "growing up is giving up" patch from my hoodie which ihavent worn in months

i have a really big crush on this girl who has a boyfriend

i'd say things are lookin good

i love you

8:53am: i just want to see all my friends, especially those i havent seen in a while
because i could realllyyyy use a hug from you right now

and someone needs to remind me never to go to new jersey!!

ever.

also, i am a firm believer in karma and the idea that everything works in cycles. for more conversation on this topic, hang out with me, i can tell you a pretty funny story.

12:32pm: im home from school today! thermal underwear, gogo, potato salad and hank williams, ah, this glamorous life i lead

8:49am: hey evan, whats up?



yesterday my family and i were dancing to chuck berry upstairs and i realized that between the ages of 8-15 i got less cool as i got older, and that between 15-when i die, i get cooler as i get older

and! im going to argentina over spring break!

im in a good mood love you see you friday!!

ps. does anyone know about making money from focus groups? how did harrison do it? i wantto buy things to fill my existential void...man what would buddha say?!

5:55am: my life is set to the instrumental song at the end of napoleon dynamite
its damp and warm outside and i feel really rock n roll
i am done with everything that is unimportant
today i had waffles for breakfast
and it was good
i could really go for a nice conversation with josh and paolo right now
or some jammin with kyle
sweet

4:25pm: i think for now all i really have to say is that im not going to take nice people [or anything for that matter] for granted anymore and that ive been watching this for two hours
http://nationalzoo.si.edu/Animals/SmallMammals/default.cfm?cam=SM1

2:07am: what ive beenthinkin about lately:

1) growing up is really intense
a) lately, when i remember things, i tend to look at them from the third person perspective, rather than remembering myself directly living out the memory, ill sort of have a vague picture of me living it out, like im watching it from an outsider's perspective. this sortof freaks me out
b) i am really cynical and jaded. whenever i tell people this, i feel like i tend to get misunderstood because im not really that outwardly cynical. i guess my interpretation of cynicism is realizing how silly everything is, even and especially things that refuse to acknowledge how silly they are
c) i really like watching my friends grow up and growing up with them

2) sometimes the world can really be a scary fucking place
a) a hundred thousand people were swallowed up by the fucking sea and got spit back out and its absolutely awful and theres so little that i can do
cuz im just one kid and its 3 oclock in the morning and i just feel so horribly unaffected by this
b) and maybe making a little kid feel better when hes gettin picked on, or running activities for 10 year olds isnt enough and isnt as important as i tell myself it is
c) i guess my 'new philosophy' of not working myself up over the details because theyre unimportant and not caring about the big picture because its impossible is actually me just being a lazy asshole telling myself im thousands of miles away from any real problems

3) fern gully is probably the most important movie i've ever seen in my life

4) being cool is really important


winter camp was runny noses and long walks in the cold and cycles of everything and feeling old and feeling insecure as hell sometimes and confident at others and amazing adorable kids and singing and freezing and laughing with old friends and new ones

tonight at rachels was amazing and insane! yo check it, time for a contrived and cliched totally overstated thought: how much can change in a fucking second. i mean, tonight caitlin totally couldve busted my eye pretty bad with thatpencil, i have a cut maybe a 10th of an inch away from my eye. personally i think not being able to see would suck. id probably be alot more comfortable not being able to talk, at least for a while.

the world is crazy, you guys are my rock i think
love
evan

8:28pm: taryn is the best, really

4:57pm: last entry ever!

we'll talk and i'll see you guys today

love you